I have spent the past 2.5 weeks of my life being in the deepest pit of despair that I've ever faced. And, don't get me wrong, but I've had my fair share of negativity and trauma in my life. This phase, however, was the hardest of them all.
Rather than getting into the overt details of my tribulations, I'll leave you with a few messages that I've learned about myself (who, even at 31 years old, didn't know previously) during this emotional journey:
My inner child needs love. Yours does, too. Real, unconditional love. I seldom experienced this type of love from my abusive mother, during my upbringing. And the longer I ignored this type of necessary self-affection, the more toiling it became, in all aspects of my life.
You can fool your senses for a little while, but this will require reconciliation at some point.
I can be a good person that's done bad things. Although right now I feel like a bad person who's done bad things.
Nothing in this life comes free. It all comes at a cost - and that cost may not be so obvious, immediately.
You can accomplish all of the greatest professional feats in this world, and that may be a part of the chase to honor and respect, but no amount of achievement will allow you to escape emotional trauma.
A large amount of people seek what they've longed for, in people that will replay patterns of abuse.
I had to learn this lesson the hard way with finding identical affection & abandonment with my life's most villainous perpetrator.
Honesty and integrity wins. Every time.
Those who stay and welcome you into their lives during your own atrocities, are here to stay.
Over the past few weeks, I've also come to the cruel realization that everybody learns these lessons in their own ways - some with heartbreak, some with death, and some with other tragedies.
I hope, for your sake, you get broken and pieced back together in a way that you don't lose everything, including yourself, along the way.